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【TOP 17】Tim Vine Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

Are you looking for Tim Vine quotes? If Yes, then you have reached at right place because this page has a collection of popular Tim Vine quotes which are updated in 2024. Following are the list of some top Tim Vine quotes, You can copy and paste below quotes and share with your friend and family on whatsapp, facebook, twitter.

Page 1 of 1, Showing 17 of 17 Records

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So I said to the Gym instructor

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. - Tim Vine Quotes

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. - Tim Vine Quotes

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

British Comedian Funny Hunting

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.' - Tim Vine Quotes

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'

British Comedian Funny Home

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down. - Tim Vine Quotes

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

British Comedian Funny History

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red. - Tim Vine Quotes

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

British Comedian Chinese Funny

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself. - Tim Vine Quotes

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

Love

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.' - Tim Vine Quotes

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

British Comedian Funny

Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet. - Tim Vine Quotes

Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.

British Comedian Funny

So I went down the local supermarket, I said

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'

Boss

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one'.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter. - Tim Vine Quotes

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.' - Tim Vine Quotes

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'

Money

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds. - Tim Vine Quotes

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

British Comedian Funny

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy. - Tim Vine Quotes

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

British Comedian Funny

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin. - Tim Vine Quotes

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Dad

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